Dawning on Me

The beginning and the end. They are the same point of a circle. 2019 was not the first time I had been here and it would not be the last.

Coffee and pen in hand, I begin again. The sun has not yet risen on this spring day. This is why I pause and ponder on what to write next. I must be waiting for a splash of colour in the sky to inspire a witty metaphor. In this moment, I am experiencing a mere cliché. It is darkest before dawn. I do not dismiss its importance.

I stare at my cup with various shades of orange. “Here comes the sun, it’s alright,” George Harrison streams through my head calling me little darlin’. Thank goodness for angels.

I have no record of how many circles and cycles I have traveled through, either before I was born or in this lifetime. I only know, I am starting a new cycle or maybe several.

I have struggled with “who and what I am I supposed to be” ever since I was aware that I could think about it. The trouble is, I have always resisted labels. As soon as I manage to acquire one, I want to get rid of it as I feel caged and therefore limited. “It is way too stuffy in here!” I tell myself. On the other hand, I look for definition and nothing seems to fit. "Who am I?" This is when I trade in George Harrison for The Who and begin to wonder.

It is a little misty as the sun teases, hoping to warm the chill off the frosted grass. It dawns on me; I am not here to accomplish an outdated sense of success or be any one thing. I am here to experience. My intuition gives a gentle nudge, and I know this to be true. Today is a game changer.

~ Sandra